I've been alive 52 years as I write this message. I've been married 25 years. I've walked through 12 years of infertility. Then adopted 4 siblings in one day and raised them over the past 13 years.
Six years into our marriage we went bankrupt during the 2007-2008 financial crisis. I had started building homes with a great plan at the wrong time. Without knowing, I wondered if I was the reason we couldn't have children.
Our holidays were quiet, empty, and lonely prior to adopting. We were also dealing with aging parents who needed care.
I know what it's like to carry the burdens. The heavy loads. The "I'm supposed to provide but I'm not getting ahead." The tension it puts on your marriage. The "what am I doing wrong." The "am I a good husband."
My life has had many hills and valleys — as have most.
Elijah was on top of the world. Had a great victory on Mount Carmel, called down fire, defeats 450 prophets of Baal — kicking butt and taking names. A short while later Jezebel sends threats to kill him, and... he runs into the wilderness and sits under a tree. He tells God, "I've had enough. Take my life."
A few days earlier on top of the world. Now hiding under a tree asking God to kill him.
God doesn't rebuke him. He sends an angel with food and water — after letting him rest.
David, eventually King David, speaks of his anguished heart. The terrors of death that have come over him. Fear and trembling came over him. Horror has overwhelmed him. He wanted to quit. To disappear.
The message is — wanting to disappear doesn't mean you failed. It means you're human.
The weight you're carrying now — the marriage, the job, the kids, the doubt, the fear you're not enough, the exhaustion — the strongest thing you can do is give it over to God to carry. And He will.
Things might not turn around tomorrow. But after doing what you know to do, the best thing you can do is say — here you go Father, I put this in your hands.