I spent a lot of years chasing two things I thought would give me freedom.
Financial success and freedom with my time.
And I've been fortunate enough to experience both.
I've owned my own business for years. I've had seasons where things went really well financially. I've also had something many people work their whole lives hoping to have: control over a lot of my own time.
I thought getting there would feel different.
It did, just not in the way I expected.
At some point I realized that while I had been chasing money and freedom, they had started to have me.
And that empty place I thought success would fill?
It was still there.
In some ways it was louder and lonelier at the same time.
Maybe When...
Before I had those things, there was always another answer.
Maybe when I make more money.
Maybe when the business gets to a certain point.
Maybe when I don't have to work as much.
Maybe when I can take off when I want.
Maybe when I have enough.
There's always another “maybe when.”
The problem comes when some of those things actually happen.
Now what?
I had reached places I thought would make me feel satisfied, and I was still the same person when I got there.
That was hard to understand.
Rich and empty is still empty.
Money Wasn't Really the Problem
It took me a while to realize money wasn't really the problem.
Success wasn't the problem either.
I was asking those things to give me something they couldn't give me.
Money can do a lot of good.
It can take care of your family. It can give you choices. It can help someone who needs it. It can allow you to travel and enjoy things you couldn't otherwise do.
Having control of your time is a wonderful thing too.
But here's what I learned.
An open calendar doesn't give your life purpose.
You can have nowhere you have to be tomorrow and still not know where you're going.
And money can give you more choices without answering the bigger question of what any of those choices are for.
That was a hard lesson for me.
Gaining More, Still Feeling Empty
Jesus asked a question I've read many times:
“For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”
— Mark 8:36
That verse means more to me today than it used to.
Because you really can gain a lot on the outside and still feel empty on the inside.
I've lived enough of that to know.
I'm Asking Different Questions Now
I'm 52 now, and I'm asking different questions than I did when I was younger.
I'm less interested in asking:
“How much more can I make?”
And more interested in:
“What is enough?”
Instead of:
“How much freedom can I get?”
I'm asking:
“What am I going to do with the freedom God has already given me?”
And instead of always asking:
“What's next?”
I'm trying to remember to look around and appreciate what's here now.
My wife.
My kids.
People I love.
People who need encouragement.
A meal together.
A conversation.
A trip.
A quiet morning.
A chance to help somebody.
Another day God gave me that I wasn't promised.
I'm Still a Work in Progress
I still like nice things.
I still enjoy making money.
I like traveling. I like having freedom. I like dreaming about what's next.
I don't think there's anything wrong with those things.
I'm just trying to stop asking them to fill me.
They can't.
God can.
And maybe that's one of the biggest things I'm learning in this second act of my life.
I don't need to spend the rest of my years proving that I was successful.
I want to spend them being faithful with what God has already put in my hands.
I want to know Christ better.
Love my wife well.
Be there for my kids.
Enjoy the life God has given me.
Give when I can.
Help people when I can.
Encourage somebody who feels like nobody sees them.
And when God puts something in front of me to do, I hope I'm willing to do it.
Maybe You've Been Chasing Something Too
Money.
Success.
Freedom.
A house.
Retirement.
Recognition.
Whatever your version of “when I finally get there” happens to be.
Maybe you even got there.
And maybe you're wondering why it didn't fix what you thought it would.
I've been there.
Maybe you don't need more.
Maybe that empty place you've been trying so hard to fill can't be filled by another thing.
God sees you.
God loves you.
He hasn't forgotten you.
And He's not finished with your story.
Welcome to the Second Act.